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Perhaps some time in the coming months I’ll edit in a scan picture of my wrists. My right has joint problems that will 95% need surgery and my left has inflamed tendons (the worst of it on my wrist but the damage goes up my forearm too). I’m supposed to be coming down from the tramadol in lieu of pregnancy but at this rate I’ll be howling in pain 24/7, which sucks.

The pain got too much last week. I had a bit of a meltdown, so tired from lack of sleep these past months and right in the middle of a period (heralding another failure to conceive) meaning I’d not be pregnant before my 37th birthday. Needless to say I was low, low, low and in the end realised I could not continue as I was.

The typing I do for my hobbies is extensive. With the coding and photoshop work on top of actual posting to threads it was becoming too much, it was too much in fact and had been since my relapse in January. I was just in denial. I didn’t want it to come to an end because that meant I’d never admin another site again. I’d never be involved in the hobby on such a grand scale. Never be a plot runner or rally the troops, would never be a part of a larger community of RPers. It was a lot to come to terms with and it still is, but the bottom line was that I was not willing to lose the friends I’d made because I was too stubborn to just admit defeat.

So here I am, dehydrated from all the crying and I know there will be more to come. Yet I still have my friends, gdocs for those who I know have the patience for me and want to continue the characters we love 1×1, and I still have tabletop and the art I have and will continue to buy. I have Patreon to look forward to and my PhD as well as presenting at a conference this Winter (I hope, as long as my research is good!). So it’s the and of an era and the beginning of a new adventure…

Hopefully a new home, new dog and baby on the horizon.